


The Night We Met

by yixingsus



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Suicide, Swearing, broken!baekxing, kind of cringey sometimes, sorry about this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-12 04:25:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11154192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yixingsus/pseuds/yixingsus
Summary: Yixing just wants to make things better.





	The Night We Met

**Author's Note:**

> this has been sitting around doing nothing for months so im just gonna post it. its not the best thing ive ever written but im proud of some of it so i thought why not ? anyways thanks for reading i hope this doesnt hurt you //:

_Yixing was nothing if not composed. He kept himself together in all kinds of situations, sad or happy. But this day, he was having a lot of trouble staying calm and collected._

_As soon as he returned home from work, he found Baekhyun and pulled him into a tight hug._

_“Oh my god I can't believe this is finally happening,” he blurted out, barely concealing a girlish squeal._

_Baekhyun wrapped his arms around Yixing and kissed his face. “Oh my god,” Baekhyun echoed, “we've been waiting for so long, oh my god.”_

_After months of paperwork and a whole lot of waiting, they were finally going to adopt their first child._

_That night, restless, Yixing turned over in bed. He cuddled up to his husband, embracing him in a way that made butterflies flutter in Baekhyun's tummy. Yixing was bursting at the seams with a joy that he'd never felt before. He placed a tender kiss on the back of Baekhyun's neck, then found his hand and linked their fingers together. Baekhyun brought their hands up to his mouth, lips pressing against the back of Yixing’s hand. Yixing felt Baekhyun's lips spread into a grin, and he could have shed real tears with how overjoyed he felt._

_“Xing,” Baekhyun croaked, attempting to blink away his tears, “I love you so much.”_

_“I love you too,” Yixing told him, pulling Baekhyun impossibly closer to himself. “I will always love you. You're all I've ever wanted, you're so- god, I love you. I'm so fucking happy, oh my god we're going to have kids.”_

_Yixing didn't think he would ever be happier. Nothing could be better than his husband in his arms, and the thought of having their own family together. He'd never been more fond of a person, never been so in love. Baekhyun was his and he was Baekhyun's, and now they would have a son. It was perfect and Yixing refused to let what they had go away._

  
***

  
The smell of alcohol didn't bother Yixing anymore, not the way it used to. It only brought on the faintest of aches in his head, which was easily dulled by intoxication. And on this particular night, even that pain was washed away with how numb he felt. He nursed his fifth beer, eyes hazy and unfocused, and he dazedly thought to himself that he had better not get drunk enough to pass out. As these thoughts passed through his head, he decided it must be time to go through with his plan before it was too late.

Yixing was gulping down the remains of his drink when it happened. A young-looking man approached him with a strangely soft look on his face, which didn't match his tough demeanor in the slightest. The tall, handsome stranger sat near him and patted Yixing's knee. Yixing scrunched up his face in what was intended to be a scowl, however it likely didn't look all that intimidating.

“Excuse me?” Yixing spat, slapping away the hand that remained resting on his leg. He made to get up and leave, but the man held onto his wrist, effectively stopping him. “What the-”

“Come home with me,” he said with a smile.

Yixing scoffed, “Are you kidding me? I don't even know you.”

But the man insisted, and Yixing, in his drunken state, didn't have the willpower to say no. The taxi ride to this stranger’s house was completely silent, save for the 80s music quietly drifting from the speakers. Yixing realized all too late that this ruined his plan. Drunkenly, he called out to the driver to stop so that he could get out right then.

The man grabbed Yixing by the arm. “He's drunk, don't listen to him.”

Yixing wanted to be furious, but he couldn't drag those emotions from the depths of his mind at the moment, so he settled on huffing out a swear or two under his breath. The man just chuckled, as though Yixing was a grumpy toddler.

Not minutes later, the vehicle stopped in front of a run-down apartment complex, and the man paid the taxi driver before helping Yixing out of the car. Once inside, he finally introduced himself.

“My name is Sehun, and you?”

“My name is nothing important,” Yixing muttered. No use having any attachments to people, as that would only further damage his perfectly thought out plan. “Honestly I need to get home, I realize I agreed to this, but I'm intoxicated and this is not how tonight was supposed to end.”

“How was it supposed to end, then?”

Sehun asked this so casually that Yixing began to answer him. “Tonight was supposed to end- wait, why the hell am I saying this to you? It's none of your business, so forget about it.”

Sehun sighed and left Yixing near the front door for a moment. When Sehun returned, he held a water bottle in one hand and a pack of cigarettes in the other.

“Drink some water. Want a smoke?” He offered up the cigarettes, but Yixing declined after taking the water bottle.

“Smoking is disgusting,” he said. Sehun shrugged, but tossed the pack aside.

Twenty minutes later saw the both of them on Sehun’s falling apart couch, the TV muted on the news channel. Yixing stole glances at Sehun, the only thing illuminating his face being the glow of the television.

After some time had passed, Sehun pulled his knees up to his chest and turned to face Yixing. “What were you going to do? If I just let you go, I mean, what would you have done.”

Yixing gave a long suffering sigh and decided that there wasn't a reason to keep quiet about it; after telling this Sehun guy, he could still go through with it if he really wanted to. “I would have gone home and fucking killed myself,” Yixing said calmly. Too calmly, considering the subject matter. Sehun didn't seem put off by this answer; he nodded knowingly and picked at his own fingernails.

“I'm a regular at that bar,” Sehun blurted, seemingly out of nowhere.

“Okay? And?” Yixing gave Sehun a look as he shifted to a more comfortable position, feet tucked beneath him.

“The first time you came, with some guy, I saw something in you. When you started showing up all the time… I could just tell something was off, you know? It was obvious to me. I suppose I'm familiar with fucked up people, so I've gotten good at recognizing it really quick. And tonight… you were so content looking. Definitely not normal for you, so I knew something was up,” Sehun shrugged and avoided eye contact, clasping his hands together in front of himself.

Yixing rolled his eyes, “What, so this was you saving my life? Magically dragging me out of my depression?”

“Well, when you put it like that, it does sound kind of stupid,” Sehun mumbled. “I couldn't just _not_ do something.”

“You could have, and that would've been great. I don't think you understand, Sehun. I should be dead.”

“Why?” Sehun asked simply, like this was the most normal conversation ever.

  
“That's really personal considering you literally just met me,” Yixing stated. Then he continued, “Me? I'm useless. I don't contribute anything to this world.” And that was the truth, he thought. Yixing got fired from his job. His parents abandoned him, his husband divorced him and took their kids, and all he did was drink. Yixing was a waste of space, a waste of oxygen, and there was no reason for him to stay alive. Then, solemnly, he said, “Nobody needs me anymore.”

Sehun didn't respond, probably uncertain about what he should say to that. They sat in silence for another ten minutes before Sehun spoke up.

“It's really late. You can crash here tonight if you want?” Sehun suggested, uncurling his body and stretching.

  
“Sure,” Yixing agreed easily, completely worn out. They both stood up, but instead of going anywhere, they kept still. Yixing looked up and met eyes with Sehun, who had a curious look on his face. And before he knew what was going on, their lips crashed together in a heated kiss. One thing led to another and somehow, Yixing was in Sehun’s bed and he was pulling his own shirt off and this was not what he had wanted when the night began.  
  
They fucked. Yixing should have been disgusted with himself, for turning into everything he didn't want to become, for going home with strangers, for drinking, but he didn't care anymore. He just let it happen and went with it, not even realizing that this was the first time someone had topped him since Baekhyun. Yixing got lost in the moment. Sehun held him and Yixing was hit with this massive wave of emotions that almost had him in tears. He missed this-- being so close to someone, being kissed and held. It had been so long.

Afterwards, Yixing lay awake in Sehun’s bed, Sehun having dozed off minutes earlier. He didn't sleep without his meds, so he was kind of out of luck here. Now alone with his thoughts, Yixing felt the weight of all of his mistakes, and it was crushing.

 _I have to fix this,_ he thought, _I gotta make things better._ With that, Yixing sat up and quietly left the bed, pulling on his clothes as fast as he could. However, Sehun woke and stopped him.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“I fucked up,” Yixing said, not offering an actual answer to Sehun’s question. “God, I threw them away and I fucked up really bad and I have to fix it now.”

Sehun didn't argue, didn't try to stop him, and so within half an hour, Yixing was at his own apartment. It was nearly six in the morning, giving him a window of maybe three hours to do what needed to be done. Yixing got himself ready in record time, then drove to Baekhyun's house in less than ten minutes.

A stranger opened the door. At first, Yixing feared he had the wrong house. Then he heard a familiar voice calling from elsewhere in the house, and his stomach twisted painfully.

“Excuse me?” The man’s deep voice startled Yixing out of his trance, and he looked up.

“Oh, yes. Can I please speak to Baekhyun?” Yixing's hands shook at his sides. Baekhyun shot him a dirty look the moment they were alone on the front porch. “Baekhyun, please just hear me out. I just want one thing, so please.”

“Whatever,” Baekhyun huffed, “but hurry up, I'm taking my kids to school soon.” The way he said ‘my kids’ made Yixing sick to his stomach. His face scrunched up in pain, and he didn't miss the small flash of guilt in Baekhyun's eyes.

“I'm… I'm so sorry, Baekhyun,” he started, voice trembling, “I threw everything away so easily and I hurt you and… and your kids,” Yixing choked on his words, but continued on. “I understand if you never forgive me. I certainly haven't forgiven myself. But I… I need to see them again, please, just this once…”

Baekhyun stared, obviously shaken by Yixing’s words. Yixing's eyes pleaded with him, and so Baekhyun finally just gave in.

“Fine,” he stated, “but if they don't want to see you, I'm not going to force them.”

Yixing nodded and quickly pulled himself together while Baekhyun went inside to get them. Yixing almost collapsed upon seeing his two sons, after so long without so much as speaking to them. Baekhyun stood in the open doorway with his arms folded protectively across his chest. Yixing hugged Jongin and then Jongdae, but didn't hold them for very long because they both were extremely noncommittal about hugging him. It hurt, but he would live.

“Jongin, Jongdae,” he said softly, “I love both of you so much. I really do. I was terrible and I can't express how sorry I am, truly. I'm so sorry, for not being the father that I should have been and… I'm just sorry. You don't have to forgive me, but please don't hate me,” he finished, and his sons stood silent, unsure of what to say.

From inside the house, a child cried, and Yixing looked up in surprise. Baekhyun craned his neck inside to call out, “Chanyeol, honey, please get the baby!”

Yixing hid his shock well. He shook his head to clear his mind before saying, “well, I should get going. Thank you for letting me see you… I love you. Goodbye,” Yixing gave the three of them small smiles before turning and leaving, not looking back because he refused to let them see him crying.

After that event, there was no question about whether or not Yixing would go through with it. He had fucked everything up. Yixing was completely at fault, and his being alive was helping nobody. His entire being ached with the heartbreak he felt, burned his throat with every breath he took. Yixing couldn't handle it, not anymore. When Yixing got home, he numbly went to his medicine cabinet and pulled out his recently refilled sleeping medication.

He poured himself a glass of water and then, with no hesitation, Yixing downed a handful of pills.

***

_Baekhyun groaned into his hands, wanting to throw all of the stupid papers surrounding him into the trash so he could stop thinking about them. But he had no choice; you can't throw away your bills._

_Yixing returned home after midnight, Baekhyun still awake and trying to figure out how the hell they would get all of their bills paid on time. When Yixing walked- or, more accurately, stumbled- in the front door, Baekhyun stood up so suddenly that he nearly knocked his chair down._

_“Where the hell have you been?” he asked, not offering any sort of greeting._

_Yixing shrugged, “Out. What's the problem?”_

_“What's the- are you_ serious _? What's the problem! The- oh my god Yixing, are you stupid? Are you really asking me that?!” Baekhyun blew up, voice raising with each sentence._

_Yixing threw his hands into the air, “Damn, sorry for saying anything.”_

_He went to walk past Baekhyun, but his husband would not allow that, “Where do you think you're going?”_

_“To shower?”_

_“No you aren't. Get the fuck over here and tell me how we're supposed to pay these fucking bills on time.”_

_Yixing sighed deeply. “Baekhyun, calm down. It can wait until tomorrow.”_

_“Because tomorrow you'll suddenly have a job and get all of this paid off? Is something going to change overnight?”_

_“Please, babe, let's just go to sleep.”_

_“No. Yixing, tell me how we are supposed to pay for all of this. Where is the money coming from? You still haven't even tried to find another job, I've been working overtime just to keep us all alive and all you do is fucking drink. Do you expect me to pull money out of my ass?”_

_“You're making this into a big deal when it really doesn't need to be,” he argued, head already beginning to ache._

_“It_ is _a big deal, you dumbass! We'll get our house taken away, or our kids, or both. You can't act like this isn't a huge fucking problem because it is.”_

_“Okay, fine, I'll start looking for a job tomorrow,” Yixing said, and Baekhyun rolled his eyes._

_“Whatever. You know what, Yixing? You need to stop fucking drinking before you end up like your dad.”_

_With that harsh remark, Baekhyun stormed out of the kitchen. Yixing slept on the couch that night, and many nights following._

\---

_Yixing broke down the moment he walked into his new apartment, alone. There were no kids running past him to look around, no Baekhyun wrapping an arm around his waist. Just Yixing and his backpack and an apartment that was cramped and smelled like smoke. He shut the door and fell to his knees, sobbing into his hands for what felt like hours._

How could I have let this happen? _He thought to himself_ , why didn't I try harder?

 _After everything they had been through together, after promising not to drink so much, after all of that, Yixing had still fucked it up. He couldn't keep himself together, not even for his sons who he loved with all of his being._ But did you really? _The voice in his head provided helpfully,_ if you really loved them, you would have stopped drinking. You would have gotten a job sooner and been nicer to Baekhyun. But you didn't _._

_Yixing slept fitfully on the old mattress that was in the middle of the main room, not bothering to rearrange things or put things away. His dreams consisted of Baekhyun, their kids, and everything that he'd let go of- and for what?_

_Weeks. He went on like that for weeks, hardly managing to get to work every day. Yixing didn't know if he could do this. He had nobody- he didn't have his parents, he didn't have friends, he didn't have his husband, he didn't even have his children on his side anymore. Nobody cared about him anymore, so what was the point?_

_There was not a single thing worth staying alive for. He was a hopeless case, and so on a cold night, lonely as usual in his shitty apartment, Yixing decided that he wouldn't continue being alive for much longer. That decision gave him the biggest sense of relief he'd ever felt, and with that settled, he rested easy. After all, he wouldn't have to deal with any of the heartache once he was dead._

\---

End.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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